I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
