Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
