No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
