Yo dont text me then not text me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
