i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
