he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
