I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
