No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
