Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
