a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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