I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
