I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
