He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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