i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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