I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
