I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
