Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
