Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
