I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
