I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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