so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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