**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
