Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
