South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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