So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
