When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
