hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
