Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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