Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
