everyone is single if you try hard enough
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
