Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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