I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i think i just naturally attract stoners
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
