so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
