somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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