it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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