the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
