I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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