Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
