Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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