I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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