I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
