Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
