Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
