He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
