I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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