Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
