Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need moral support for this bender
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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