I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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