Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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