Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Moan for me like Helen Keller
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You are the jesus of drinking
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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