you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she told me i tasted like america
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I look excited, but its just a facade.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
