Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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